Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
