Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
