I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
