threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
