Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize