Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
