Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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