I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
