Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
