so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
