You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
