How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize