I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
