I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
