My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she woke up with a sticky ear
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
