So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
