So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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