i would punch a child for taco bell
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
