He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize