I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
