i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
