If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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