sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
