You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
