Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Randomize