I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
