I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
