I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
