i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
