I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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