If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
