O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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