theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
