Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
