last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
40s are totally the cure
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
