she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
