I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
