Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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