Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
