sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can i not drive my cunt home
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
