Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
