we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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