Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
