she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
