everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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