watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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