yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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