why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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