The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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