This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
