Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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