My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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