i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
