i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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