there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
