Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
