So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
