Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry mrs_carroll hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

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(708): View more from Illinois

he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.

(1-708): View more from Illinois

ahaha ok

(708): View more from Illinois

let's call it "werewolfing"

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(619): View more from California

I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

A BJ like that needs to be recommended.

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(515): View more from Iowa

WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here

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(540): View more from Virginia

I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.

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