batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
