i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
