she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
