You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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