whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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