One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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