Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
