Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
