You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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