But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
