Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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