Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
