Soap is not a condiment
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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