If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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