What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
